Would I Reply?

All examples

Sample

Month-end

A made-up cold email (middling). Judged by the checker.

Would I reply? On a good day.

The subject got me to open it and the opening line is true to my week, but a 30-minute ask from a stranger is too much.

55out of 100

Gets the point in about 17 seconds, past the 10 a buyer gives it. Full read about 17 seconds.

The 10 points

  • Strong 4
  • OK 3
  • Weak 3

  1. 01Greeting

    Strong

    Hi James,

    My first name with a simple 'Hi' is right for email. It's personal and correct, so nothing here makes me wince.

  2. 02Subject

    Strong

    Month-end at Ashby & Rowe

    It's short, names my company and a job I actually dread. That got me to open it. It reads like a note, not a campaign.

  3. 03Delivers on the subject

    Strong

    Most finance teams your size lose two or three days at month-end chasing receipts and approvals.

    The first line goes straight to month-end, which is what the subject promised. No warm-up, no detour.

  4. 04About them

    OK

    Most finance teams your size lose two or three days at month-end

    I like the opening about my team, but then it turns to 'We built', 'Our clients' and 'I'd love'. Keep me in the middle for longer.

  5. 05Value

    OK

    Our clients usually close their books four days faster.

    The two or three days is a useful pattern, but 'four days faster' is a claim about your clients. Add one specific I can use.

  6. 06Personalisation

    Weak

    Month-end at Ashby & Rowe

    Beyond my company name, nothing here is about Ashby & Rowe. It could go to any finance director. I'd want a real detail about us.

  7. 07Reason to reply

    Weak

    Are you free for 30 minutes on Thursday or Friday?

    You're asking for half an hour and picking the days for me. That's a big ask from a stranger. A one-word question would be easier.

  8. 08Personality

    OK

    I'd love to show you how it works.

    It's human and clear, but 'I'd love to' is a line I've read a hundred times. Say it the way you would across a desk.

  9. 09Gets the point in 10 seconds

    Weak

    Gets the point in about 17 seconds.

    Are you free for 30 minutes on Thursday or Friday?

    Takes about 17 seconds to get the point, and a buyer gives it about 10. Say what it's about and what you want in the first two lines.

  10. 10Formatting

    Strong

    Three short paragraphs, no links, no clutter, a plain sign-off. Easy to read on my phone.

Strong counts 100%, OK 50%, Weak 0%, all points equal. Point 9 is timed by a formula, not marked by the AI: the AI finds where the point and the ask land, then the reading up to there (subject included) is timed at 230 words a minute, slower for hard text. 10 seconds or less is Strong, up to 15 is OK. The full read is for information. Point 10 uses formatting checks made in code.

The rewrite

Your offer, your facts, your voice, cut to what a buyer needs. Anything in [square brackets] is yours to fill in: I don't make up facts.

SubjectMonth-end at Ashby & Rowe

Hi James, Most finance teams your size lose two or three days at month-end chasing receipts and approvals. Ledgerly automates that, and our clients usually close four days faster. Is that a problem at Ashby & Rowe, or have you already sorted it? Liam Hart Ledgerly

Gets the point in about 12 seconds, past the 10 a buyer gives it. Full read about 12 seconds.

Would I reply?

Now I would.

55 to 80out of 100

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