Would I Reply?

All examples

Sample

Just following up

A made-up cold email (weak). Judged by the checker.

Would I reply? Not to this one.

Two broken merge fields and a fake 'Re:' tell me this is a mass mail. I've no idea what you sell or why it's for me.

5out of 100

The point never becomes clear. Full read about 14 seconds.

The 10 points

  • Strong 0
  • OK 1
  • Weak 9

  1. 01Greeting

    Weak

    Hi {FirstName},

    I see a raw {FirstName} where my name should be. It tells me this went out to a list, and I stop reading there.

  2. 02Subject

    Weak

    Re: Following up

    'Re:' suggests we've already talked, and we haven't. It says nothing about me or my business. A plain, specific subject would earn more trust.

  3. 03Delivers on the subject

    Weak

    Just following up on my previous emails as I haven't heard back.

    The subject promises a follow-up and I get one, but there's no earlier thread and no content behind it. I want the actual point up front.

  4. 04About them

    Weak

    Just following up on my previous emails as I haven't heard back.

    The opening is about you not hearing back, and then 'our platform'. Nothing is about my situation. Open on a problem I might actually have.

  5. 05Value

    Weak

    We've helped lots of companies like yours.

    'Lots of companies like yours' and 'game-changer' give me nothing to learn. One specific result or pattern at similar firms would be worth reading.

  6. 06Personalisation

    Weak

    Nothing here is about me or my company, and the merge field shows it. A real detail about my business would change how I read this.

  7. 07Reason to reply

    OK

    Can you let me know who the right person to speak to is?

    It's one question with no meeting demanded, which I like. But naming the right person takes work and I don't know what for. Ask something I can answer in a word.

  8. 08Personality

    Weak

    Just following up

    'Just following up' and 'game-changer' make this read like a template. I can't hear a person in it. Say something only you would say.

  9. 09Gets the point in 10 seconds

    Weak

    The point never becomes clear.

    I can't tell what this is about or what you want, so the point never lands. Say both in the first two lines.

  10. 10Formatting

    Weak

    Hi {FirstName},

    {FirstName} and {Company} are both still in there. Paragraphs are short, which helps, but I'd bin it on sight. Check every field before sending.

Strong counts 100%, OK 50%, Weak 0%, all points equal. Point 9 is timed by a formula, not marked by the AI: the AI finds where the point and the ask land, then the reading up to there (subject included) is timed at 230 words a minute, slower for hard text. 10 seconds or less is Strong, up to 15 is OK. The full read is for information. Point 10 uses formatting checks made in code.

The rewrite

Your offer, your facts, your voice, cut to what a buyer needs. Anything in [square brackets] is yours to fill in: I don't make up facts.

SubjectHalden Foods operations

Hi Ruth, I've emailed a few times about our platform and haven't had a reply, so I may be aiming at the wrong person. [One result you can back up for a food business like Halden's.] Is operations the right place for this, or should I try someone else? Thanks, Kevin

Gets the point in about 14 seconds, past the 10 a buyer gives it. Full read about 14 seconds.

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