Would I Reply?

All examples

Sample

Congrats on the hires

A made-up cold email (middling). Judged by the checker.

Would I reply? On a good day.

The six hires made me look, and the 30% is interesting, but a 20-minute call from a stranger is a big first ask. Give me an easy question instead.

65out of 100

Gets the point in about 21 seconds, past the 10 a buyer gives it. Full read about 21 seconds.

The 10 points

  • Strong 4
  • OK 5
  • Weak 1

  1. 01Greeting

    Strong

    Hi Claire,

    Hi and my first name, right tone for email. Nothing to fix here.

  2. 02Subject

    OK

    Ramp time for your new account managers

    It's about my team and honest, so I'd open it. But it could go to any sales director. Name Brightwater or the six hires.

  3. 03Delivers on the subject

    Strong

    Brightwater is hiring six account managers this quarter

    The first line goes straight to my new account managers, so the subject is paid off at once.

  4. 04About them

    OK

    I'm Sam from Practisly.

    It opens on my hiring, which is good. Then three lines on Sam and Practisly before the ask. Stay on my ramp problem longer.

  5. 05Value

    OK

    Our customers typically see new hires reach quota around 30% faster.

    A 30% claim is interesting but it's about your customers, not me. Give me one insight on ramp time I can use without replying.

  6. 06Personalisation

    Strong

    Brightwater is hiring six account managers this quarter

    The six hires are why you're writing to me now, and the ramp pitch hangs on them. That's personalisation doing real work.

  7. 07Reason to reply

    OK

    Would you be open to a 20-minute call next week to see if it could help your team?

    Twenty minutes and a call next week is a real ask of my time. A one-word question about ramp time would be easier to answer.

  8. 08Personality

    OK

    Would you be open to

    It's polite and human, but "Would you be open to" is a line I've seen a hundred times. Say it the way you'd say it aloud.

  9. 09Gets the point in 10 seconds

    Weak

    Gets the point in about 21 seconds.

    Would you be open to a 20-minute call next week to see if it…

    Takes about 21 seconds to get the point, and a buyer gives it about 10. Say what it's about and what you want in the first two lines.

  10. 10Formatting

    Strong

    Short paragraphs, no links, a two-line sign-off. Easy to read on my phone.

Strong counts 100%, OK 50%, Weak 0%, all points equal. Point 9 is timed by a formula, not marked by the AI: the AI finds where the point and the ask land, then the reading up to there (subject included) is timed at 230 words a minute, slower for hard text. 10 seconds or less is Strong, up to 15 is OK. The full read is for information. Point 10 uses formatting checks made in code.

The rewrite

Your offer, your facts, your voice, cut to what a buyer needs. Anything in [square brackets] is yours to fill in: I don't make up facts.

SubjectRamp time for Brightwater's six hires

Hi Claire, Six new account managers this quarter means six people learning discovery calls on live customers. Our customers typically see new hires reach quota around 30% faster after practising with AI roleplay first. Is ramp time something you're watching, or is it under control? Best, Sam

Gets the point in about 13 seconds, past the 10 a buyer gives it. Full read about 13 seconds.

Would I reply?

Now I would.

65 to 85out of 100

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